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Self Love: The best gift to you on Valentines day

It’s that time of year once more when Valentine’s Day is in the post. Along with some cards and gifts if you are lucky! Lucky? That’s how I use to think.

pink-925562_640Traditionally, Valentine’s Day is a time dedicated to the expression of love for others. This can be your loved ones or those you communicate with in time-honored anonymous fashion. Sealed with a loving question mark…

Here at, though, we often take a slightly skewed look at things and examine them from alternative angles. It’s sound practice to think creatively.

So how about running with this thought:
 Learn to love yourself first, instead of loving the idea of other people loving you. Click To Tweet

love-150277_640As soon as I made the decision to focus on myself, to love myself, it was the best year of my life. Suddenly, everything changed. Not only did it release me from the pressure of making sure everyone else was happy, people started looking after themselves and my health and relationships blossomed. I had a new found confidence and people noticed.

This is actually not difficult to do when broken down into simple stages. Most seemingly complex problems appear infinitely more manageable when cleaved into small, do-able steps.

  • Accept yourself for who you are, flaws included
  • Understand that not all your loved ones will be in total agreement with everything you say and do: that’s fine. That’s healthy. That’s life
  • Forget the notion of what you are not and focus strongly on what you are instead, a far healthier emotional outlook
  • Be your own best friend and reject opposing yourself. Stop viewing yourself as the enemy. If you want others to love you then start with yourself

Remember: all we are talking about is demolishing imagined boundaries and obstacles.

Loving yourself is really rather easy. Simple acceptance and the achievement of this goal opens the door widely and naturally to far more caring, empathic and intimate relationships with those you love and want to love you.

Keep it simple!

Here are some basic, fundamental ways in which to love yourself and be kind to yourself.  Equally important is to learn and action the much-neglected quality of self-forgiveness.

Watch the results as you start to= feel more loved by other people.

priority1. Make a choice

Make yourself a priority and watch the positive knock-on consequences when it comes to loving others and them loving you in return.

2. Reject comparisons: focus on yourself

If you squander your time weighing yourself up against other people then you are neglecting what is key: your life.

Social media is a perfect example of why this is futile: people routinely present an idealized version of themselves so you lose out twice over…

Not only are you wasting irreplaceable time on negative emotions, you are regularly focusing on something which is not even necessarily true.

3. Do not worry about the approval of others

Tied in firmly to the above idea is something to keep clearly in mind at all times: you do not need either the approval or permission of others to live your life on your terms.

Believe firmly in your own abilities. Do not be passive or uncertain.

Take affirmative action, makes choices and be confident that what you are doing is right for you. Click To Tweet

4. Do something each day that brings you joy and makes you happy

Life, as we all know, is extremely brief. Make happiness a choice and a crucial tenet of your thinking and actions.

Invest your time and energy into things which mean something to you.

Make a choice each day. Care for yourself, care about what makes you happy.

There is nothing selfish about self-care. Look after yourself and watch the way it helps others care for you better.


5. Do not spend time with people who impact upon you negatively

If someone does not care about you then do not waste time with them.

You need to surround yourself with people who inspire and encourage you. Not fair-weather friends or partners but those who are there for you unconditionally through times of darkness and ecstasy.

Do not settle. Being single is infinitely preferable to being sucked in the wrong relationship.

In terms of loving friendships, less is more here. Aim for quality over quantity every single time.

6. Start making the changes you know you need to make

Ichange-948008_640n life, sometimes the very things that once induced joy become tiresome or unpleasant. Let them go!

If any activity, whatever it may be, starts to sap your energy then jettison it and move on.

Everything evolves. Make healthy choices. Pick something else instead. Problem solved.

Take action. Avoid being stuck in a rut and do not fear change but embrace it and reap the dividends.

Seek out empowerment and satisfaction rather than ploughing the same tired old furrow.

Start today and make at least one small change. Do something which will lead to doing more.

7. Be mindful and accepting

Life has its ups and downs for all of us.

When you begin to accept that you have made a good start. From here, completely give up on the idea you must be perfect. Nobody is.

Once you begin to accept life as it is rather than how you feel it should be, you will be far more gentle on yourself, love yourself more and in turn transmit that love to others.

8. Celebrate what you love about yourself

This is neither a vain nor grandiose way to visualize yourself.

You must be kind to yourself in order to demonstrate kindness to others.

When you look in the mirror view a winner. Click To Tweet

Be patient, forgiving and celebrate your achievements instead of dwelling on your perceived failures.

9. Forgive past mistakes

forgive The past is gone. A memory. Sweet or sour, nothing more than a memory.

This does not mean we cannot learn from the past but a repeated cycle of self-flagellation about things we cannot change is senseless and counter-productive.

Good people can make unwise choices. You can do the wrong thing for the right reason. There’s plenty of gray area so cut yourself some slack, resolve not to repeat the mistake and forgive yourself; this, in turn, allows you to forgive others when they transgress.

10. Accept that mistakes will still occur: forgive yourself in advance

If you truly desire success then you must accept that, along that route, lie failure and mistakes.

It’s far better to try and fail, to learn and improve yourself from mishaps, than not to try at all.

11. Be grateful for what you have, not angry about what you do not have

As the Rolling Stones sang out, “You can’t always get what you want.”

This is an immutable fact of life.

Ponder this instead: your worst nightmare of a day is someone else’s unachievable pipe-dream.

While you cannot control many events, you are quite able to alter your perception of these events. Turn frustration or anger into fire in the belly.

Motivate yourself rather than punishing yourself.

12. Make a special effort to be loving and kind to others

Be honest. If you want love, affection and attention from others, how should you behave toward them?

You tend to reap what you sow in life. Also, when you demonstrate a loving, caring and positive can-do attitude, others pick up on this and often respond in kind.

BONUS TIP: Stop being so serious!

In closing, think of the late, great Bill Hicks’s refreshing attitude toward life: “It’s just a ride.”

laughter-775062_640Embrace and enjoy that ride. If we consider self-misery then it is generally rooted in self-pity; this is an unfortunate corollary of taking life too seriously. Lighten up, go easy and understand that a good sense of humor leads to a better, purposeful approach to life.

This final snippet of advice is the very opposite of suggesting a listless and crackpot lifestyle.

Fun translates perfectly to loving. Everyone likes to be greeted with a smile, to laugh and joke.

Pursue your dreams and make sensible choices but retain at all costs that joie de vivre and appreciation of all the beautiful things this life has to offer.


People are often ephemeral. Things change. Mistakes are made.


If you make a genuine, concerted effort not just to love yourself but to develop and sustain this mindset, the love you receive from others will increase substantially

Mull over the above tips and make this Valentine’s Day special.

Show your loved ones just how much you love them by being the best you can be and loving yourself. Click To Tweet

Learn how to take these principles and turn them into a way of life that will help you shed pounds and keep them off!

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